Cold Thots, Warm People

Cold Tho(ugh)ts from Warm (Weather) People.

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  1. If I wear a ski mask it’s okay because no-one can tell who I am, right?
  2. Could I pull off a snuggie at work if it came in a chic/inconspicuous color. ponchos are in this season no?
  3. Oh what a surprise I look like the Michelin man. Again.
  4. People have been living on this eskimo-vibe crap for their whole lives??? – And don’t know any better.
  5. People will continue to live on this eskimo-vibe crap for the rest of their lives??? – And never know better.
  6. I wonder if there is any coat, anywhere, that could actually keep me warm.
  7. HOW are they wearing that? No really please tell, I’m not judging, I’m genuinely interested. How?
  8. I can manage maybe 2 more winters of this north pole crap, then I’m done. DONE.
  9. A love haiku to the Subway door – please please please close.
  10. Jah, if you sort me out with a taxi in the next 5 minutes, this one time, I will never do anything bad ever ever again, I swear.
  11. How are you supposed to text and walk? How are you supposed to google maps and walk? Is this a sign not to leave my apartment? 
  12. What do you mean I get sick when I wear my Non-Michelin man, semi attractive coat to go out?
  13. Coat checks are an evil portal of hell, designed to make you forget all of your belongings at the club.
  14. Oh this is not embarrassing at all going back to the club in broad day light to search for my personal belongings.  (oh wait this is all year round)
  15. Why won’t my other friends understand that if it is more than 3 blocks I am cabbing.
  16. Please stop telling me about this “layering” business. It’s a conspiracy and a lie and I’m not interested. 
  17. Wine is the only thing that makes me feel warm.
  18. If I turn my shower on full heat and play Bob Marley this is the beach right?
  19. Hell yes I can eat this, I deserve it, its negative degrees out. ( oh wait this is all year round)
  20. I don’t care I am ordering food from the restaurant downstairs. (Yup – this is all year round too)
  21. Sanka you dead?
  22. its-cold

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