Your Ex is Not Interested – A Theory of Catch and Release

Your Ex is not actually interested – The Theory of “Catch and Release””


CATCH AND RELEASE – When you cast out a fishing line for your poor unsuspecting ex and as soon as they bite you release that bumbo straight back out to the Atlantic. Because you were only reeling them in to make sure they’ll still bite. Why? Idk, life fishing is weird.

“Catch and release is a practice within recreational fishing intended as a technique of conservation. After capture, the fish are unhooked and returned to the water before experiencing serious exhaustion or injury – ~* Wikipedia*~”

CATCH AND RELEASE prime example – It’s a decent-ish time of night and you’re minding your own bumboclat business, living your life etc etc and all of sudden your whatsapp/imessage/snapchat is buzzing and your either like wtf did I do now/please don’t be that one guy I made out with in the BK drive through one time.  And then its like vomit, puke, vomit, wtf, stomach drops to the end of the universe, more vomit, wtf wtf wtf, why etc etc. Because its from an unknown number texting “yoooo its me that guy/girl you haven’t heard from in a million years, here’s this random’and irrelevant piece of information that I am using to start a conversation with you” and you’re polite in your response (and whatever) because you were raised well (and whatever). It should be totally causal but its totally not cause you thought you had mutually agreed to pretend like the other didn’t exist for the rest of eternity some time ago. so what is the deal, over analysis etc… And the worst part happens : you get hopeful.2015/01/img_2319-1.jpg

This is what CATCH AND RELEASE is. It’s when someone has let you far far far out to sea and then built a ten foot barb wired wall to let you know where everything stands, (hint : it doesn’’t stand) and then suddenly they get a little bored, or they’ve broken up with whatever dutty gyal/man, or their securing their back up options or their egos are hurting or the aliens have fucking landed idk and they reel you in a little because : They want to know that they still can.  Boys do it to girls, girls do it to boys, it not a gender exclusive activity even though the fishing is a total bro activity because it’s only fun if your not fishing tanning on the front of the boat with a rum and soda water (extra lime) #amiright??

The wisest way to handle a CATCH AND RELEASE is to straight up ignore the bait. Because bait is for baits. And also because the moment you bite the bait their egos are like “yeee I still got it” and then they go running back onto their yacht and the 10 foot electrocuting wall is back up and boundaries are everywhere and you’re still Dory running around the Atlantic Ocean saying “just keep swimming” over and over again.Because the truth is if somebody wants to catch a fish they fight to reel it in and that’s just life and people and life and this metaphor and fishing is weird.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s