Sunglass Tans and Other Existential Crises


You ever notice that in life that they weren’t joking when they said you can’t have your cupcake, brownie, fro yo, icecream  cake and eat it too. As in you can’t drink your rum on the beach in pieces peace and not get a sunglasses tan. Sometimes life gives us deep and intense choices such as : Do I put on my perfectly selected sunglasses and get a shitty tan or do I sit here and be miserable because the sun is gouging out my eyeballs. It’s literally the worst feeling in the world when you’re minding your own business bobbing in the ocean with your floaty and red stripe light (hold on I’m getting to the bad part) and the poisonous rays of the sun are jabbing into your eyeballs as if we don’t deserve nice things. AND THEN  having to resist putting on your shades because it will leave a sucky duppy-esque tan. So even though you have a solution to the problem it’s still just going to give you more problems. It’s like do you live for the short term fulfillment or long term success. like I thought I just came here to tan not to have an existential crisis. 


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