Prep For A Trip Home (from Foreign)

IMG_0166The processing of preparing for a trip home from foreign.

  1. Tell everyone in a 10 mile radius that you will soon be on the beach drinking rum.           Update to instagram & Facebook
  2. Order entire internet
  3. Return entire internet
  4. Accumulate gifts, favors, and swimsuits ordered to style out pon dem at all the holiday festivities.
  5. Pack, unpack, cry because the suitcase can’t close, repack the style out clothes. 
  6. Spend 2 hours debating between 2 kimonos
  7. Go out for “one last” goodbye drink
  8. “One Last” drink results in loosing a passport, finding a passport, looking for visa papers and hating everyone with a green card. 
  9. Get home with your head spinning and re-realise that you still have not finished packing.
  10. Give in and pack an extra 1 (2) suitcases and nice up parents for extra baggage/taxi/$2000 airport pop chips money.
  11. Notify friends, love interests and business partners of your impending arrival. Or Don’t. But remember if you don’t, you are guaranteed to buck them up at a friend of a friends house/beach very soon, OR they will buck up your geo-tagged location on their newsgram feed.
  12. 3 years ago it would have been vital to update fb status with geographical location . This is now considered pretentious.
  13. Post picture out of plane/ passport/in cab/last Starbucks with sweater sleeve showing. Its a really cute sweater sleeve. #cloudporn #milehighclub #frappacuniovaliumwithextrawhipplease #firstclass #hahaIwish
  14. Get on plane, hear comments like ”that’s my bag with the leopard brief.” and  “Her mother told her to find some jerk chicken but all she found was a jerk”
  15. Sit on plane have somebody ask you “which hotel you staying” Try point to your house as you land, but realize you are too tired and just say “Sandals”.
  16. Arrive home, eat all the patties, drink all the red stripe, wonder why you ever left.

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